Friday, September 18, 2015

Some lessons for you Son, while you're growing up!



Seemingly women  aren’t the only ones affected by gender disparity—we all are—and it is up to me to do everything I can to confront the continual cordon of pigeon-holes, prejudices and disproportion that society throws at kids right from when they are born. It is up to us to make sure that the teachings of feminism and gender equality (and all types of fairness, for that matter) are so intensely entrenched in our family’s core that they brim over gradually and persistently. There is no dearth of lists on feminist teachings for young girls, but while many things on these types of lists are unanimously pertinent, as a mom to a boy, I wanted to pen down a few things, I’d always want my son to remember while he grows up to be a “man”.

Dear Ahaan,

1.       Feminism does not imply “womanly”. It means egalitarianism. Equality beyond gender.
2.       Being a boy doesn’t imply you cannot be a feminist. Neither does liking cars and planes and action movies.
3.       It’s OKAY to cry. It always is. The phrase “you are crying like a girl” does not hold any meaning. Respect your emotions and let them out.
4.       Befriend girls. Conquer your shyness and reticence. I befriended boys and some of my best friends are boys. It doesn’t really matter.  
5.       Girls can like superheroes, cars and Transformers, just like boys can like princess stories, Dora and kitchen set. I will never feel embarrassed for gifting you a kitchen set on your 4th birthday. Just goes to show you will be a caring man when you grow up.
6.       The expressions “like a man” and “like a girl” hold no real significance really.  Learn to snub them.
7.       Be resilient and sensitive; remember - the two are not discordant.
8.       Open doors for women. And also men, as a matter of fact. Not because of any chauvinist customs, but just because holding the door is thoughtful and respectful. It is just politeness. Similarly, push in your chair after meals and put the toilet seat down.
9.       “No” just means NO. Silence also means no. And “perhaps” also means no. Always remember that only “yes” means yes.
10.   Surround yourself with individuals who let you to be your best self. Be cautious of people who want to modify you.
11.   Always – Always remember this - Equal work justifies equal reimbursement; equal reimbursement necessitates equal work.
12.   Your sex does not describe you. Neither does your profession or the money in your bank nor your fancy car. Be compassionate and courageous, be a loyal friend and a hard worker and treat everyone with respect—those are the merits that will describe you.
13.   When you get married, your wife may or may not fix your last name after her first. Neither choice has anything to do with how much she loves you – Remember that and cherish it. Surnames do not love people. People love people.
14.   Don’t ever forget that there are more ways to support your family than monetarily.
15.   Being a stay-at-home parent is tougher than all the jobs in the world combined, irrespective of its lack of a remuneration.
16.   Contrary to the popular belief, always remember that men are capable of changing a nappy, making the bed, ironing the clothes, and tending to other household chores and child-raising activities.
17.   Don’t hesitate in apologizing. It is not a symbol of softness, but a valiant act of bravery and courage.
18.   Don’t ever take for granted the privileges you are blessed with—whether monetary, scholastic, cultural, social or otherwise
19.   Be thoughtful, compassionate, sensitive and empathetic.
20.   There may be differences between the two genders – a man and a woman—just like there are dissimilarities between all living beings. Remember, that’s a good thing! Avoid overanalyzing this. And don’t fear the differences; revel in them.

My dear son, these lessons, are meant for you - not essentially because I want to protect you, but just because they are important for equality, impartiality and respect. I have faith they can change the world—one step at a time.

My love for you, always.

Mom

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