Happy Birthday Anshul

“Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

As my husband turns a year older and (hopefully) wiser again this year, I write a customary letter to him, like every year. But this year is different: it’s completion of a year in Germany – a foreign land with a foreign language and with everything that wasn’t so familiar or friendly at first.

First year here, was a rush — a flood of emotions, anxieties, tears and laughter. There was a profound fear of living in a new country, and though it reduces after a while, it never completely disappears as time goes on. It simply deviates. The unrest that was once focused on how you’re going to make new friends, adjust, and master the nuances of the language gradually becomes one recurrent question “What am I missing?”  That said, too often, we focus on the needs of the mother and child, who are to settle in a new country and often forget that daddies need love and support too – for it’s a new unexplored world for them too. For us, Anshul played the glue that bonded us together, while trying to find our place in a new country, while he carried out silent acts of tenderness between the seams. I couldn’t have made it through the past year without my husband – and I can’t imagine going forward without him.

The past one year has flown by, and it feels like a drop in the bucket, doesn’t it? As I sit here, writing this for him, after yet another failed attempt at making a cup cake for his midnight celebration (It’s awful!), and my endless other failures like these, I know, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  Also, it fills my heart with pure marvel to know that the “best” is right now; and still yet to come. Here’s a letter to my husband.

Dear Anshul,

This life time is void of matter comparable to you

But

In the past one year, I have so many words to express, what you mean to me

You are a squall of wind when I can’t breathe

We hike the world together, passing long and rigorous pine trees

Your back is a mountain, trials cannot triumph over it

Your eyes are the hurried oceans,  that calm me

You are the lone pharaoh, of our dwelling

You are a belief and assertion, when I cannot form one

You are endurance, in our marathons you run

You are still in contention, you are always here

You are strength, when I have an insolence

You are almost more than 2,980 days of the right choice

You are the pillories of why I rejoice

You are a comrade, shield, and love like no other

A toast to you, My Husband…

Shall I pour another?

Happy Birthday to you.

Love, M

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Happy Birthday Anshul

Dear Anshul,

Do you think that when we met 8 years ago (well, met again after 13 years, since from where we left at childhood), I thought you were the man of my dreams? Of course I didn’t! We were so different from each other? Yet I had no idea the profundity and abundance our relationship would take after a decade. My younger self longed a partner that was centered in his own being, strong yet sensitive, and eager to grow and evolve with me. What I didn’t anticipate however is how much trust, communication and commitment is required to really nurture a marriage – to let each one of us to stretch and embrace the inescapable internal and external changes, while still holding a united direction in life. - Our identities and interests and jobs have all shifted. Where we live has changed intensely, and more than once! We have globetrotted together.  Friends have been made and parted ways with, houses have been made into homes, bags packed and unpacked and then packed again and then some more. And yet, we are essentially two people who believe in the power of love. Who believe in our own strength and unequivocally cheer for each other. Who have discovered a way to steer through all the transformation and surfaced even more in alignment with our true substances, rejoicing each other’s light. Yet our relationship isn’t all rainbows and fairy wings. We keep allowance and make space for the small and big fears and gnarly places within.

After so many years of planning surprises for you, now I know you are not wild about celebrating your birthday, but I could not resist celebrating you. I treasure the day you came into this world. I cherish the day you came into my life and we held hands and dived into the unknown. And I cherish each day forward.

We will blink one day and be 90 – maybe more? So as we slog and soar high, buy groceries, fight about shelf spaces in the wardrobe, and envision living in our dream house by the beach, as we snuggle and sometimes snarl, I remain ever thankful and ever yours.

I love you Anshul. Happy Birthday my love.

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I love being Married

If you wish to enjoy being Single, Get Married! No seriously. Read on.

I just recently read a hilarious post on Being Single by http://localparty.tumblr.com/post/16341669795 author of Local Tea Party – A truly hilarious fellow.

This further prompted me to write this blog post. So this is for all of you who might be looking, or still in the dating game, already hitched, or on the threshold of a relationship — my heart reaches out to you all.

No don’t get me wrong. That’s not coming from an arrogant-married woman who is trying to boast a flawless life of a happy life with a husband, a baby and a great friends and family to brag about. I am saying this because I have the one sole thing that you all don't possess so far — the liberty to be rude. To be so me. To utter what I feel and escape with it. For the reason that we have our whole lives to make up and neither of us is going anywhere.

Well, I have been pondering over it for a while and realized—this entire seeing each other/courtship/being in a relationship thing is surplus of politeness. It’s always about letting the other person have their own standpoint. Their choice of menu. Their choice of places to go for shopping. Their choice of who to make brunch plans with or which movie to see.

Pointless to say, you end up doing many such things which you actually don’t wish to do secretly, and do so just because there is all this stress of being nice, being the good fellow. About being responsive and sensitive to your partner’s feelings etc etc and all the mush. For the reason that after all, you are in it for the long tow (or at least, that's a better way to go about it)

It's always about, "Bay-bee, would you like to do the grocery store today?” And he is like, "Sure, when would you wish to go?"

Initially it’s always a bargain of choices. A few years ago, it use to be like, “Hon, can we switch on the room heater as its getting cold in here?” Pat came the reply “Yeah sure bay-bee, but let’s switch it off after a while as I might feel too hot?” Okay. Deal. Done

However, things transform after marriage for obvious reasons. Now there’s liberty. Liberty to say no. Liberty to prohibit. Liberty to veto. Liberty to communicate your opinion about their lifestyle, their friends, their way of interacting socially, their clothing styles, their idea of a good time, their food habits – everything!

Now it’s more like, “I’m baking here, I need to turn off the heater tonight!”

“But I am freezing?! And it’s raining cats and dogs outside. It’s so cold”

“Well why don’t you wear a sweater and sleep then!”

“Well why, don’t you get rid of some clothes in that case?”

Marriage is no stress test at all, its liberty. It’s how it was meant to be. Eat whatever you want, you are allowed to be angry sometimes ( many times), you can be nasty occasionally, say what you wish and never say what you don’t wish, and all will still be very well.

Now it's more like, "Bay-bee, I am going out with friends for a poker night"

"Kewl, take your own keys and don’t get back before 1 am atleast, so that I can enjoy my movie night here at home."

"Ummm okay"

Marriage therefore is liberating indeed. You don’t have to be pretentious. You don’t need to drag yourself to be good all day. You can be rude. You can be nasty. You can take for granted and you can be taken for granted. You are allowed to be messy and untidy and sometimes way too organized and prim and proper – yet you will be loved the same way. It's not about holding hands all the time you walk outside, but it's about about not forgetting to kiss goodnight before you go to bed. No matter what. It’s like a getting back to a place called Home – and it’s yours and will always be.

O by the way, a baby gives you supplementary room to be rude. Any abhorrent attribute inherited can be attributed to the spouse, and the good manners and brighter traits can be gloated over as stemming from your gene pool. So suitable, no?

I love being married. I finally got that one someone to blame all my life!

Anshul, this is for you – bay-bee.

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PS - The image is contradictory here. But that's the fun part, you see.