I love being Married

If you wish to enjoy being Single, Get Married! No seriously. Read on.

I just recently read a hilarious post on Being Single by http://localparty.tumblr.com/post/16341669795 author of Local Tea Party – A truly hilarious fellow.

This further prompted me to write this blog post. So this is for all of you who might be looking, or still in the dating game, already hitched, or on the threshold of a relationship — my heart reaches out to you all.

No don’t get me wrong. That’s not coming from an arrogant-married woman who is trying to boast a flawless life of a happy life with a husband, a baby and a great friends and family to brag about. I am saying this because I have the one sole thing that you all don't possess so far — the liberty to be rude. To be so me. To utter what I feel and escape with it. For the reason that we have our whole lives to make up and neither of us is going anywhere.

Well, I have been pondering over it for a while and realized—this entire seeing each other/courtship/being in a relationship thing is surplus of politeness. It’s always about letting the other person have their own standpoint. Their choice of menu. Their choice of places to go for shopping. Their choice of who to make brunch plans with or which movie to see.

Pointless to say, you end up doing many such things which you actually don’t wish to do secretly, and do so just because there is all this stress of being nice, being the good fellow. About being responsive and sensitive to your partner’s feelings etc etc and all the mush. For the reason that after all, you are in it for the long tow (or at least, that's a better way to go about it)

It's always about, "Bay-bee, would you like to do the grocery store today?” And he is like, "Sure, when would you wish to go?"

Initially it’s always a bargain of choices. A few years ago, it use to be like, “Hon, can we switch on the room heater as its getting cold in here?” Pat came the reply “Yeah sure bay-bee, but let’s switch it off after a while as I might feel too hot?” Okay. Deal. Done

However, things transform after marriage for obvious reasons. Now there’s liberty. Liberty to say no. Liberty to prohibit. Liberty to veto. Liberty to communicate your opinion about their lifestyle, their friends, their way of interacting socially, their clothing styles, their idea of a good time, their food habits – everything!

Now it’s more like, “I’m baking here, I need to turn off the heater tonight!”

“But I am freezing?! And it’s raining cats and dogs outside. It’s so cold”

“Well why don’t you wear a sweater and sleep then!”

“Well why, don’t you get rid of some clothes in that case?”

Marriage is no stress test at all, its liberty. It’s how it was meant to be. Eat whatever you want, you are allowed to be angry sometimes ( many times), you can be nasty occasionally, say what you wish and never say what you don’t wish, and all will still be very well.

Now it's more like, "Bay-bee, I am going out with friends for a poker night"

"Kewl, take your own keys and don’t get back before 1 am atleast, so that I can enjoy my movie night here at home."

"Ummm okay"

Marriage therefore is liberating indeed. You don’t have to be pretentious. You don’t need to drag yourself to be good all day. You can be rude. You can be nasty. You can take for granted and you can be taken for granted. You are allowed to be messy and untidy and sometimes way too organized and prim and proper – yet you will be loved the same way. It's not about holding hands all the time you walk outside, but it's about about not forgetting to kiss goodnight before you go to bed. No matter what. It’s like a getting back to a place called Home – and it’s yours and will always be.

O by the way, a baby gives you supplementary room to be rude. Any abhorrent attribute inherited can be attributed to the spouse, and the good manners and brighter traits can be gloated over as stemming from your gene pool. So suitable, no?

I love being married. I finally got that one someone to blame all my life!

Anshul, this is for you – bay-bee.

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Auteur

PS - The image is contradictory here. But that's the fun part, you see.

The Big 30

Okay. So this post has been delayed. I intended writing and posting this around my 30^th Birthday, so sooner or later, its here.

I have never feared turning 30. A few years back, I use to infact look forward to take a leap into the Third Tier, anxious to abandon the immaturity, self-distrust of the 20s.

As I mentioned earlier it’s been more than a month now that I turned 30. “I don't feel like an old duck. Infact, I don't even feel grown-up,” I said to myself on the morning of my 30th birthday when everyone wishing me was asking me “So how many years?” I don’t think I have arrived, still time to reach there. But I can see the target. It's still on a hill, and fortunately I no more look from the bottom of the valley any longer. I can shape a comprehensible trail if I stay focused.

So, in to celebrate a much awaited milestone in my life, I jotted down a few things women should be acquainted with by the time 30 comes knocking. This is the (half-done) list:

*Love is a verb. Love devoid of emotions, feelings etc means absolutely nothing and can stand null and void.

*Rage does not equate to being stronger, it equates to being angry. Loud does not mean right and wont set anything right.

*If he is The One, he will be The One. When you're being pushy and compelling him to be the one it, you’re not doing it right. Take a break and search for the Next One to be The One.

*Discover treating people with the same perceptive and understanding you would like to receive. You're cannot be perfect. Neither can anyone else be.

*Be a globetrotter. Go around exploring the untouched places, food, cultures etc. Learn how to greet in a native language, and especially learn to say “Thank You” with a smile in their language.

*Enjoy your company. If you don’t like your own company, how do you suppose anyone else will? Begin with a film at a theatre; then move on to lunch, then dinner, all by yourself. And then maybe someday graduate to going to a destination all by yourself.

*Begin trusting yourself. A billion people will narrate you a billion stories -- few factual, few fabricated. If it sounds like a lie, it more often than not is. If it sounds right, it could be. Give credence to your gutfeel.

*Mistakes are lessons in disguise. You’re allowed to make mistake, even blunders but if you learn from your mistakes, your mistake is not useless. Avoid saying sorry for the same thing more than once

*Welcome old age with open arms. There can be nothing worse for a woman who doesn’t age charmingly. If you’re envious of the youth, take comfort in that – By rule of life and God’s grace -- young people ultimately age too.

Most of the above mentioned things, I have accomplished. Some I need to.

What else do you feel should be on the list of what women need to know by 30? Share with me.

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Auteur

Coz it’s only human to err

The old age clichéd dialogue “ jab tum khud maa baap banoge, tab samjhoge” ( when you yourself become a parent, you will realize) makes much more sense now. What also makes sense is…

Your parents aren’t forever correct.

They are not perfect. They’re not always righteous. They won’t always be there when you require them.

They are sometimes dishonest.

They make mistakes – lots of them sometimes.

They brawl.

They sometimes aren’t the perfect role models.

They are difficult to deal with.

They are demanding and pushy.

They are needy.

A lot of times they’re plainly self-centered.

However at most of the times –All times infact— they’re only human.

For its only human to have all these follies.

Like most of the kids, I placed my parents on a plinth for the longest time ever.

Until I turned into a rebellious teenager.

I recall evaluating them a bit more significantly. Pointing and complaining about all their “misconducts.” Not taking their word for everything.

Having respect for them devoid of worshipping them and following everything they told me to do.

I was cynical, you could say.

But I also understood later on that they were just trying to do their best for me.

Coping up with their jobs, their own relationships, their ambitions, their dreams, and their two daughters and their education.

Parenting is no straightforward chore.

As a parent, I struggle everyday to bring up my son, in the finest manner ever, taking care of his needs, his food, his playtimes, behavior , habits, belief – everything

But just as I went through a phase where I realized my parents aren’t perfect, he will to sometime.

It’s tough when the myth splinters.

I recall the phase I began seeing my parents as just two individuals with all their wrongs.

It hurts you.

Why couldn’t they be ideal?

Why aren’t they just perfect?

And why did I have to go through a guilt trip for thinking about them like that?

They had so many hopes from me.

In turn, I had more hopes from them.

I disliked them for being who they were — thinking what was wrong with my family.

Until years later I realized there is nothing like a wrong family.

All families consist of people — and people aren’t always right – they aren’t always perfect.

The displeasure washed out.

I began understanding them — as a grown-up. An imperfect, inadequate, individual.

They were infact just like me?

Unfortunately, it is too late to let my father know about this, but my parents now are my mother and elder sister – who I look upto and think the world of

It’s been a smooth ride since then. I started connecting with them on a totally different intensity later.

I now realize that in their mind, I will forever be their 5-year-old mischievous kid.

And they will forever be my parents, advising to not do this, to do that in a better way, getting anxious about me, cheering me on my little challenges, overflowing with pride at my negligible achievements.

Well, few things will always remain the same.

But few things have changed.

I listen more often, expect less.

And try to reasonably comprehend.

I see them impartially for who they are.

I can now say “it’s ok.”

They are sure my parents. But they’re also individuals – deciphering their way about life.

Just like the rest of us.

Parents are individuals and they are not perfect.

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Auteur

PS - Photograph by Michael Nichols – Tiger carrying cub, India

Predictions for the Year 2012

So, the Mayans did run out of space on the wheel, to end the world in the year 2012, eh? Well, congratulations, the world’s not coming to an end this year – not yet. However I do have some prophecies for all of you for the year 2012. Read On!

It is astounding how short a day can be at times, yet the months dash by like a rollicking train. And the years? The years are simply on the run, man!

Today I have few very-precise New Year forecasts for you. In 2012, you will eventually earn that pedicure you have been meaning to get for a while now.

You will decelerate.

Eat a lot more cheese and cake. Devoid of the icing of course.

Take things less personally. Misinterpret less and understand more.

You will befriend your body. Begin now. Say, hi body, you are quite pleasant to embrace. Body craves and loves attention of that sort. It will shine. And wish to do more things along with you.

In the Year 2012, you will hear less and listen more and Listen better.

Do the similar chore in lesser time.

You will start to become the chief. Your own Boss. Afterall, that is what you were born to do in the first place?

Few years back, one of my good friend and I were strolling by. She inquired me about my love life.

“Is this the man you love – the One?” she inquired about my then boyfriend.

“Certainly yes, I am quite sure,” I retorted.

“How are you so sure?” she again asked.

“To be honest, I feel so contented and sheltered when he is around. And I actually feel dejected and so lost without him.”

“That doesn’t sound correct, Manasi?” said she. “Your relationship shouldn’t be bearing that burden. You should be contented and secure all by yourself.”

What she said made no sense to me back then. I was smitten deep down in love and she didn’t realize.

I did, however, stock up that discussion for potential reference, in my mind though. It must be 5 years later today. I’m still in love with the same man (now my husband) in the same way and he still makes me feel wanted, happy and secure but what my friend said to me that day makes perfect sense now. Just right.

Much more of this will take place in the year 2012. Old cherished and not so memorable tales will reappear, along with their straightforward memories and lessons. You will select them out of slender air and adorn them like a veil. Or a corona. Smile a sinful grin.

You will begin writing your own book. You will begin singing your own song out of your bathroom and perhaps even cut an album. You will begin walking your own path. You will select your own counter.

You will discover how to tell your own stories stories by letting your listener narrate you her own. You will have pleased listeners.

Carry on. Even your errors have their reasons. Leap over into a brand new year, singing your melody, leaving qualms behind.

Everyone who loves you will find you and everyone you love will find you all over again.

Happy New Year.

It shall turn out for you.

And for me.

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Auteur

Metamorphosis

The ocean tumults to a powerful peak,

Glaciers render down into the sea,
All to egotism without a shadow.
All beneath the time's trial.

Clay won’t be cordial eternally,
Only until it turns stiff.
Sponge won’t soak up forever,
it drips them out afterward.

There is a bound restraining everything,
further than which it alters to nothing.
You don't stay the same,
forever.

I ain’t what I was.
I won’t be what I am.
I am under the unvarying
spell of transformation.

Forever is Never...

Here’s to a new beginnings in the year 2012

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Auteur

Imperfect Love

I often wonder and realize that I am encircled by couples that are happily married, neck down deep in love. Syrupy sweet quotes are shared, inclusive with yearning glimpses and an affectionate brush of the other’s hand. They tender a non-thrashing pillar of support for each other’s endeavors. They share bizarre Facebook status updates about being “blessed” by the “greatest hubby/wifey in the world” etc. ( Oh Btw, I simply abhor that term ‘Hubby’- makes me feel repulsive)

Well, thankfully, my ‘husband’ and I are not that duo.

I have been married for 4 years and have known my husband as my childhood friend since longer than that I have known him since a long time now and now after heading rapidly towards old age, gray hairs, joint pains et al, I can pompously say that I do look forward to growing old with him now.

I’m going to be honest here. We are growing old. We argue. We criticize. We bicker. We just know which keys to twist and twist the hell out of them at times. We are basically an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond couple – Debra and Ray - devoid of the laughing track in the backdrop

It’s not alluring. It’s not ideal. It’s not perfect and infact it may not even be normal, but it’s - us. At times, I doubt, have I really settled in life? Am I just contented? Should I wish more?

And guess what - sometimes, I do seek more. Much more.

It’s human to pursue rosy dreams of perfect contentment. I would have loved moonlit walks on a beach, hand in hand, being pampered with roses everyday and told how beautiful I was and put on a podium each day. But that’s not my truth. One naughty 14 month old toddler son, several wakeful nights to tot up, piles of clothes to be folded, loads of toys to be kept back in the toybox several times a day, meals to be cooked, fed and cleaned thereafter, carpet to be cleaned, spill overs to be taken care of. Infact I also secretly wish that they come up with a vacuum cleaner I can ride on?! This is my reality.

Just when I feel I’ve reached the end of my patience and can’t bear it anymore, I’m hit with the luster of a brand new day, the smell of my morning tea, my son’s brightly lit smile first thing in the morning, or the way my husband plays soothing devotional songs first thing in the morning, the smell of incense stick - and I’m back in it again- rehabilitated- for the next few hours, at least.

Perfect contentment? Perhaps not.

He’s seen me at my ugliest best – He has seen my stretch marks shape and grow. I’ve witnessed his hairline slither and still seeing them turn gray. Our romantic getaways to a nearby coffee shop have been replaced by a smoothie and fries at Mc Donalds and regular grocery/diaper shoppings. I’ve mocked at his funny actions and candid pics (revealing them often on Facebook) and he’s laughed at me with my green monster looking facepack on and clicked my pics while I have been sleeping with my mouth wide open. It may not always be beautiful but we have a story, history, reminiscences, and an imperfect but wonderful life that we built- together.

He may not be my Prince Charming and I’m most likely not his Princess, but this man, he’s a wonderful husband and a great father. We both have abnormal sense of humor and love to laugh at our friends and everyone in general and also embarrass our son sometimes. On Fridays, devoid of friends and parties, we both relish enjoying a drink together alongwith some grilled sandwiches and a serial on the TV ( Yes, he loves watching them all) – We may not be perfect, but we remain convinced that we are perfect for each other and most of the times, that’s good enough.

Here is what my acumen says.

Life doesn’t always churn out the way you expect it to be. And that’s not essentially a bad thing at all.

Anshul, I may not be perfect and you may not be perfect - and that's perfectly fine. I love our imperfections as much as I love you.

Happy 4th Marriage Anniversary.

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Auteur

Igniting the Senses

Ever sensed what it feels like being the Sun,

That eventually nurtures

Each cell in this cosmos?

--------

Ever sensed what it feels like being the Water,

That flows down your throat

On a scorching summer afternoon?

--------

Ever sensed how it feels like being the God,

Who prints his autograph

In every twirl of his coin?

--------

Ever sensed how it feels like being a Mother,

Who draws contentment from

Toiling and giving her whole life for

An ordinary life?

----------

Most of all,

Ever sensed how it feels like being yourself?

Unrepressed,

Unfettered,

Unrestricted,

Unsophisticated,

Undoubted?

What have you felt lately?

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Auteur