Saturday, October 1, 2016

Happy 6th Ahaan! ( Open Letter to my son)



My Dear Ahaan,

As you turn 6 years old today, I have so much to say to you! So I am writing, yet another letter to you, hoping someday when you grow up, you cherish and understand these letters I write to you each year, on your birthday.

I remember all your milestones. Learning to turn on the other side. Learning to crawl. Learning to stand. Learning to walk and then run. I checked the boxes on those easy-to-define triumphs. I even got anxious when you did not reach a milestone on the time I expected you to.  Nevertheless, I soaked it all in and my new Mamma’s heart and swelled with pride and respite as the proofs mounted that you were gaining the abilities you needed to survive in this world.
The milestones from here are less demarcated. There are no agendas or checklists.

It’s no longer about learning how to sit or stand, but “when” to sit or stand. Politeness—simplifying another’s encumbrance, putting some else’s well-being ahead of your own, showing  small compassion, showing that you see others and reckon them to be of value—is a gift the world needs, my dear son.  Offering your seat to someone, for instance? But the rules for doing so are not based on a modest procedure of age and gender.  They are complex.  You need to understand when offering your seat would wound delicate pride. You need to watch for circumstances where a person’s requirement to be perceived as proficient, surpasses the necessity for comfort. It’s complicated.

Someday, you will sit in your class and your teacher will familiarize you with Robert Frost’s poem ( perhaps in German !)  about two roads deviating in a yellow wood. Your teacher will tell you that what Frost wrote was infact true. Our choices in life matter. You will think you comprehend. But it will be my responsibility to tell you that Frost was writing about the “best case scenario”. Life’s junctures are hardly simple forks in the road with two distinct choices. Life’s junctures are congested and the road less travelled is dense and easy to miss. Choices don’t proclaim themselves. Outlining instants disguise themselves in our daily routine. Superficially small choices are chances: to smile or not, to talk or keep quiet, to stay within or step out from your comfort zone, today or tomorrow.

You will learn so much in the years to come Ahaan, that you will be surprised. Trial and error will be your ultimate educator. You will be injured. You will be scrapped. You will get bumps that swell to an upsetting size. That’s part of the growing up my son. Injured knees, means you’re doing it right.

Along the way, you will look up to me for most of the answers answers. I might not have always them.

But, I still would love to  hear the questions.
And when there are new learnings along the way, it will hurt me to watch you go through the ones that will make you sad. But I will be at peace as you will learn them at your own terms, not because I stood in the way and tried to make you see life through my eyes. On the contrary, I am trying to see life a little more and much better through your eyes these days, and I am thankful for your vision.
Happy birthday Ahaan. I love you. Thank you for teaching me, bit by bit, a little more about how to live this beautiful life.
Love,
Your Mom


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