Seemingly women aren’t the only ones affected by gender disparity—we
all are—and it is up to me to do everything I can to confront the continual cordon
of pigeon-holes, prejudices and disproportion that society throws at kids right
from when they are born. It is up to us to make sure that the teachings of
feminism and gender equality (and all types of fairness, for that matter) are
so intensely entrenched in our family’s core that they brim over gradually and persistently.
There is no dearth of lists on feminist teachings for young girls, but while
many things on these types of lists are unanimously pertinent, as a mom to a
boy, I wanted to pen down a few things, I’d always want my son to remember
while he grows up to be a “man”.
Dear Ahaan,
1.
Feminism does not imply “womanly”. It means egalitarianism.
Equality beyond gender.
2.
Being a boy doesn’t imply you cannot be a
feminist. Neither does liking cars and planes and action movies.
3.
It’s OKAY to cry. It always is. The phrase “you
are crying like a girl” does not hold any meaning. Respect your emotions and
let them out.
4.
Befriend girls. Conquer your shyness and reticence.
I befriended boys and some of my best friends are boys. It doesn’t really
matter.
5.
Girls can like superheroes, cars and Transformers,
just like boys can like princess stories, Dora and kitchen set. I will never
feel embarrassed for gifting you a kitchen set on your 4th birthday.
Just goes to show you will be a caring man when you grow up.
6.
The expressions “like a man” and “like a girl”
hold no real significance really. Learn
to snub them.
7.
Be resilient and sensitive; remember - the two
are not discordant.
8.
Open doors for women. And also men, as a matter of
fact. Not because of any chauvinist customs, but just because holding the door
is thoughtful and respectful. It is just politeness. Similarly, push in your
chair after meals and put the toilet seat down.
9.
“No” just means NO. Silence also means no. And “perhaps”
also means no. Always remember that only “yes” means yes.
10.
Surround yourself with individuals who let you
to be your best self. Be cautious of people who want to modify you.
11.
Always – Always remember this - Equal work justifies
equal reimbursement; equal reimbursement necessitates equal work.
12.
Your sex does not describe you. Neither does
your profession or the money in your bank nor your fancy car. Be compassionate
and courageous, be a loyal friend and a hard worker and treat everyone with
respect—those are the merits that will describe you.
13.
When you get married, your wife may or may not fix
your last name after her first. Neither choice has anything to do with how much
she loves you – Remember that and cherish it. Surnames do not love people.
People love people.
14.
Don’t ever forget that there are more ways to support
your family than monetarily.
15.
Being a stay-at-home parent is tougher than all
the jobs in the world combined, irrespective of its lack of a remuneration.
16.
Contrary to the popular belief, always remember
that men are capable of changing a nappy, making the bed, ironing the clothes, and
tending to other household chores and child-raising activities.
17.
Don’t hesitate in apologizing. It is not a symbol
of softness, but a valiant act of bravery and courage.
18.
Don’t ever take for granted the privileges you
are blessed with—whether monetary, scholastic, cultural, social or otherwise
19.
Be thoughtful, compassionate, sensitive and empathetic.
20.
There may be differences between the two genders
– a man and a woman—just like there are dissimilarities between all living
beings. Remember, that’s a good thing! Avoid overanalyzing this. And don’t fear
the differences; revel in them.
My dear son, these lessons, are meant for you - not essentially
because I want to protect you, but just because they are important for equality,
impartiality and respect. I have faith they can change the world—one step at a
time.
My love for you, always.
Mom
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